Intro
Negotiations are super-imporant.
Everyone negotiates the whole day. With your kids. With your wife. When buying a car the salesman will also try to negotiate what you buy (or "sell"). If you don't know common negotiation tactics you are lost.
I personally can't understand why it is not taught in school.
Chris Voss is long time FBI negotiator and knows the real stuff like hostage negotiations. He has a lot of experience and wrote a nice book. Let's check it out.
Key points:
The new rules
- Chris talks a lot about criminal negotiations - like a hostage situation. That is massively different to a buinsess context. Something like "Getting to yes" does not work.
- Tactical empathy as central concept. Listening as martial art.
- Built from the street for the real world
Be a mirror
- Listen actively
- Use your voice: There are 3 voices: "Late night fm dj voice", "positive, playful voice", and the "direct or assertive voice".
- A smile while talking helps
Don't feel their pain. Label it.
Create empathy by labeling emotions of your counterpart. Talk about it. They will respond.
Beware yes - master no
"No" is pure good. No is a safe place. It gives the feeling of control to the person.
Contrairy to conventional wisdom Chris likes to put people in a position where they say no. From that point onwards it is easier to negotiate.
There are three kinds of yes: counterfeit, confirmation and committment.
Trigger the two words that immediately transform any negotiation
Trigger a "that's right" to gain influence. DO NOT trigger a "you are right".
Bend their reality
- Make time your ally
- Deadlines are arbitrary
- Threats means getting close to a resolution
- People want to be treated farly. Promise that.
- Prospect theory => People optimize for safety and predictability.
- Anchor
- Use odd numbers. 99.94 sounds like a concrete number. 100 just sounds like it has been made up.
Create the illusion of control
- Change of negotiator on their side always sign that they meant to take a harder line
- Use calibrated questions. Who, What, When Where, Why, How.
- Important: Why can backfire... Don't use it.
- There's always a team at the other side of the table. You have to influence that team, too.
Guarantee execution
- "How" questions are a surefire way to keep negotiations going.
- Body language and tone of voice - not words - are your most powerful assessment tools.
- Rule of three: Get the person to agree three times. For instance: Give committment, summarize what they did. Follow up with How or What questions.
- The more in love they are with I, me and my - the less important they are!
- Introduce yourself with your own name. Forced empathy.
Bargain hard
- There are three styles of negotiating: Accommodators, assertive or data-loving analysts. Any style can work.
- Ackerman model of haggling:
- Set target price (goal).
- Set first offer at 6 percent.
- Calculate three raises decreasing increment 85,95,100 percent.
- Use lots of empathy and different ways of saying "No".
- For the final number use a very "precise" number 47.433 is much better than 50000.
- Add non-monetary item to show you are at your limit.
Find the black swan
- Get conversation going and always look for a black swan you can use.
- In every negotiation there are at least three black swans. They will change everything once uncovered.
- The harder you push - the harder the resistance will be.
- Religion is one of these black swans.
- People trust their in-group
- Don't avoid honest, clear conflict.
Appendinx: Prepare a negotation on one sheet
- Nice overview how to prepare for a negotiation.
Summary: Chris Voss' general approach
- True active listenting what the other person has to say and what the person wants
- Put a smile on your face
- Slow it down. Don't go to fast
- Mirror / rephrase with questions "we chased your driver away? (repeat the last 3 words)
- Say "I'm sorry" and start the mirror...
- Label emotions / Understand the other person. Bond. Words. Music. Dance.
- "It looks like you don't want to go back to jail", It sounds like, it seems like.
- Labeling moves your brain to the rational parts. Away from emotion.
- Don't use the word "1"
- Use the accusation audit "I am a very bad person, but", or "I know this is a horrible idea, but...". Defuse.
- Actively go for questions that yield in a "no". This means the counterpart is in control and feels safe.
- Don't strive for a "yes". Strive for a "that's right".
- Deadlines are arbitrary
- Say "want that you are being treated fairly at all times. If you feel I am unfair then let's address it".
- If you are considerd unfair don't fall into that trap, but ask them how you are mistreating them
- Use calibrated questions to say "no"."How am I supposed to do that?". What is also good. (Don't use why). or "I am sorry, that just does not work for me".
- The more in love they are with I, me and my - the less important they are!
- Introduce yourself with your own name. Forced empathy.
- Use Ackerman model for haggling (see above)
Verdict
Chris Voss wrote a great book. What tells it apart from other books on the topic is the FBI background of the writer. He really writes about tough negotiations and then translates this information to the business context. The book itself is nicely written, although the content is not perfectly structured and concepts get re-introduced in some chapters. Create the illusion of control and bend reality are really similar for instance.
But that does not matter much. I'd consider this a classic everone should read. I am revisiting it every year.